Golf is a very old game, we all know this, but what isn’t well known is what country invented golf? During research we discovered that nearly every country has a claim to Golf’s origins. Some say it originated from bored shepherds knocking around stones with their crooks. This was disproved as it is widely known that herding sheep is anything but boring. You walk amongst the wool covered beasts trying to prevent a stampede and see if you’re bored.
The first accepted historical written reference to golf, or ‘Gowf’ as the Scottish hillbillies called it, was in 1457, etched on the side of a statue. Apparently the archers of the time were spending too much time playing ‘Gowf’, and not enough time shooting arrows. The Scottish government declared it against the law to play golf and inscribed this mandate on the side of a statue.
What no one seems to be clear on is where golf came from before this? How did golf become so popular in 1457 that it had to be banned? Did it just spring up from the ground, a fully formed sport ready to be played? Of course not, that would be silly. Like all things in life it was a slow building process that culminated in creating the greatest sport the world has ever known.
During our hard hitting investigation we came across a reference in a wax tablet, unearthed in ancient Rome. Our research team here conducted a thorough and exhausting investigation into this wax tablet that led us across the Pacific Ocean, but not really as we pretty much never left our office. Unless you count trips to Taco Bell. Our objective was to finally uncover the truth behind golf’s origins and what we found blew us away.
The first form of golf, played around 122 A.D., was very similar to modern golf in that you swung a club to hit a ball, but the ball you hit was actually your opponents and by ball I mean testicles.
Yes golf started out as a pain threshold game wherein the two, or more, players would take turns hitting each other in the “Shag Bag” until one passed out, tapped out, or died. It was a rough sport, played only by the nobility of the time. Women were forbidden to play, but simply because they lacked the necessary ‘equipment’. This version of Golf was eventually banished as it was much too silly.
Some people have compared modern day golf to this much older version in that, they feel like their getting nailed in the ‘Shag Bag’ every time they pay for their round.
Eventually around 1691 Golfers realized they could enjoy a fun filled, painless version of golf. They began hitting actual little stones across wide open fields. They used rabbit holes as their golf holes and they began tallying the number of strokes each player had.
Once again some people in power didn’t like the common man having any fun. To curb the masses from playing ‘Lucifers Game’, as the church began calling it, the Scottish Parliament passed a law forbidding anyone from hitting a stone with a stick unless they were dressed as a clown. The penalty for hitting a stone with a stick was called the ‘Nib Nibber’ and involved a trained poodle and a jar of peanut butter.
For the love of the game, golfers obeyed this law and began dressing as court jesters and circus clowns whenever they played golf. (Yes circuses were around in 1691) We believe this is where the tradition of dressing like a complete ass came from. A tradition that many golfers carry on to this day.
